Why Haven't I Been Chosen?
I was brushing my teeth the other day and started thinking about my desire to want to be chosen by a man. I thought back to past relationships where it seemed like the man was with me for a while, but always chose to commit to someone else. I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed, rejected, and unworthy I felt during those times. Each time it happened my feelings of not being good enough compounded. However, those feelings didn’t originate from those relationships. The seeds of unworthy feelings were planted at a young age after growing up without my father in my life. At some point I internalized that if my own father didn’t want to be with me, there must be something wrong with me. I must not be good enough. I know now that is not the truth. My father was struggling with his own issues and his absence had nothing to do with me or my worth. Yet I’ve carried those feelings for a long time, which became the underlying theme of what I believed about myself. I’m learning now that our fathers provide the first examples of how a man should treat a woman. As a result, I chose men who were physically and emotionally unavailable, just like my father. I thought I needed to pursue men so they could see my value and worth and choose to be with me. My pursuit symbolized the little girl within me who felt abandoned by her father and was searching for his attention and love. I just wanted to know how it felt for a man to choose me above everything else. Have you ever felt that way?
But do you know what God reminded me of while brushing my teeth? He said “You are already chosen.” He chose me before I even entered this world. Jeremiah 1:5 NLT says, “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” So God knew me before I was created and decided how He wanted to use me. Then 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” God said I’m chosen! All this time I’ve been waiting to be chosen by a man, when I’m already chosen by God. And guess what? He’s chosen you too!
You are so precious to God and He adores you. That truth is obvious in scriptures like Isaiah 43:1-7; Psalm 139; and Hosea 2:14-20 (this has become one of my favorites in this season of my life). The more I read these scriptures, the less power my old thoughts have over me. There was a time in my life where the simple thought I had while brushing my teeth would have sent me down a pit of despair. But I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit who quickly reminds me of the truth. I encourage you to meditate on these scriptures and find other ones that speak to you. No matter what your mind may be telling you, please believe that you are wanted and chosen by God. Being chosen by Him is more important that being chosen by anyone else.